JQ and AJ: Dynamic Duo or Scientific Experiment Gone Horribly Wrong?

Okay, so, this post is dedicated to the one, the only, Julie B. Quinlan with whom I've shared my laughter, my tears, my fears... well, my life for the past fifteen(ish) years. She has been by my side through everything... even when she was away at school, she was still the closest friend I've ever had.

We met on a cold, windy day at a bus stop. I kid you not. We awaited the Catarqui Woods bus headed for Holy Cross. Incidentally, we were dressed alike, and perhaps that's what drew us to each other. Then again, we were in uniform, and were dressed like every other girl at that bus stop, but that is neither here nor there.

We got to talkin'. We discovered much about our linked pasts. Actually, as I sit and reflect on this cool day in September, I don't recall a damn thing. I know it must have been something special, and I would like to equate it with the sentimental visions I have of our blossoming friendship, but, what probably took place was that I ran to the bus stop (late, as always) and Julie was standing there, looking pristine and prepared and I thought "Only a loser is on time..." but, instead of saying that, I said "Hey..." and she likely replied with a "Hey..." herself. And there you have it. An instant bond. An undeniable connection of souls. A connection that would last a life time. Or maybe we just sat on the bus and talked about grade nine. Either way, the real, basic truth behind all this babbling is that we met one day in grade nine at the bus stop.

From there, our romance... uh... FRIENDSHIP became the bond that I spoke about above. We were soon spending all our time after school together and taking turns bugging each other's parents by being holed up in our rooms cranking the music and laughing.

Now, here is where it gets weird.

"Cranking the music and laughing"? What's so special about that, you ask? Well, nothing really, I suppose. Generations of girls had done it before us, just as generations of girls have done it after us. What was different, however, were two things:

1. We listened to records. On a record player. In my room. It was 1992. (Much more about that later.
2. The things we laughed at (and laughed so hard that I can still actually laugh about them now) were things like shoving as many grapes in our mouths as possible, resulting in getting red grape skins stuck on our braces, drawing pictures of each other doing the most inane things, pretending to have seizures to music, performing concerts (I can not tell you how serious we were about these things), made music/dance videos, etc. We didn't do eache other's hair, we didn't dress up, we didn't smoke (ok, we did once...), we didn't do drugs, we didn't even drink. We just laughed. Like idiots. Something that continues to this very day.

There are many, many, MANY more things which make our friendship the most unique of any that I know, but, they're generally things that only Julie and I get. But, because this is a blog, and one day I may forget the many memories Jules and I have made over the years, I'm going to force myself to list as many of them as possible:

• Julie and I were so excited to get our liscences that we obsessed over it, drawing pictures almost everyday to each other depicting us in our "Disco Car" (heavily related to our said use of my record player and the Stars on 45) grooving away down the road. Most of these pictures also had a grape skin stuck to Julie's braces... a joke that would inevitibly repeat many times over the years.
• Julie once chased me down our street in the rain wielding a steak knife, aimed and poised at stabbing me in the face. Ok, I'm exaggerating. However, Julie knew how terrified I was (and still am) of being chased by anyone or anything at any given time. So, being the best friend that she is, she took that knowledge and used it to victimize me. I was standing in her living room, trying to find something on TV, when she called to me from the kitchen "April? Look here..." and she had this hideous grin on her face and was coming toward me with the knife. She chased me through the living room, into the kitchen and out the front door. I was so scared, I ran all the way home in the rain, in my sock feet, as fast as I could. Julie, on the other hand, laughed so hard she stopped running the minute I left the house, and stood on her lawn in convulsions, watching me flee in terror. What a great friend.
• We used to write poetry as a game; we'd have one minute to write a poem about a subject of the other's choosing. There are two of these poems that both Julie and I still remember to this day: The Sunflower and Kitty/Dinner. Ask us about them. You won't regret it. Unless you have a life. In which case, keep reading.
• Julie and I made up our own language, consisting of only three sounds: Tar, Tee and Too. Again, ask us if you're intrigued. (And, how can you not be intrigued by that?!)
• Julie and I would spend hours - literally hours - playing a game wherein we would shine a flashlight on the ceiling and write words and have the other person guess what we were writing. The game was called "What am I writing?" (We're beautiful and witty) and every time one of us couldn't tell what the other person was writing, we would guess "Garfunkel?"
• Our favourite answer to every single question on Jeopardy was "Bangladesh." Like much in our lives, there was no rhyme or reason whatsoever for this. The best day ever, though, was when I once used it, and it was actually the correct answer, and Julie and I laughed so hard Julie shat her pants. Ok, I made that last part up. But, it was funny.
• We liked to record our own "Radio Shows". I'm not really sure why. All I know is that somehow I convinced Julie that one of these radio shows should coincide with an assignment she had to do for her grade 12 business class. She had to record something, and I said we should do a radio show as well. It's all very blurry now. But, I know there was a pirate involved (who was obviously played by me) and some kind of East-Indian pervert (who was obviously played by Julie). We still used a catch phrase from it, though the tape is long gone.
• Julie starred in our grade ten one-act play called The Dinner Party and by starred I mean she was quite possibly the best thing to ever grace the stage in the drama studio at HC. Highlights include (but are not limited to): Julie perpetually attempting to suppress her ridiculous grin every single time she came on stage; Julie peeling an orange and having the juice shoot up and squirt her directly in the eye, thus blinding her for a solid three minutes of the show; Julie's line "Whatever, Mom... this is the age of Aquarius..." and April (giggling like a banshee) switching the stage lights to a washed-out blue, and playing the song of the same name, while Julie dances (yes, DANCES) around the table as the rest of the cast freeze in tableaux (ps. at the time, this seemed like a fantastic idea... a real "scene-stealer" if you will. It was not. Nobody laughed. Except April and Julie... which tends to happen a lot); April comes on and is the pivotal role for the show as she has to deliver awful news to the family that their house is being condemned; April forgets every single line and sits, like a deer in headlights, and watches the play unfold like the slow death of a lion in battle; Charlotte (the lead of the play) tries to clean up the mess April has created by spouting forth (through tears) all the news I was supposed to deliver; Julie, again, trying to suppress said grin at the debauchery that I had caused.
• Julie and I have about 2, 763, 421 inside jokes. I would write them all out in detail, but some things are better just left the mystery that they are. Here is a list of some of them:
  - Mashed Rat Meat Rap - Mash Around
  - "Wicked! Wicked! I'm a dickhead! And everybody in the school thinks I'm a dickhead! That's wicked... wicked awesome... yeeeeeeeeeeeeah."
  - "I'm a d(s)ough-awg. D(s)ee-Oh-Gee, d(s)ough-awg. And I'mina sssschoolwheredere'ssss noother d(s)ough-awgs.
  - Dream Weaver.
  - "I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead."
  - "Mr. Mazonchelliiii.... do you think you'll play soccer 'til you diiiiiiie?"

So, that is Part One of the "Adventures of Quinlan & Johnson." It is up to you if you'd like to tune in again. I am sorry if you lost brain cells and/or contemplated institutionalizing either and/or both of us upon reading some of these things. If you fall into the latter category, however, I strongly recommend NOT checking out Part Two... which should arrive shortly.